Friday, June 29, 2007

The Ten Commandments for Drivers

The Vatican recently (late June '07) its Ten Commandments for Drivers. The list bore two resemblances to the original Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17, Deuteronomy 5:6-21):

The seventh commandment, You shall not kill, re-appeared, although it had been promoted to first commandment.

The list had ten points.

Although the list contained some great rules, there was little parallelism between the Vatican's ten and the Bible's ten. It had even less cleverness, let alone humor. As my daughter says of my belches, it was truly pitiful. The one command that I enjoyed was the eighth: Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness. This compared most closely to You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

Naturally, it screamed in challenge to me. Here's my attempt, and I think it's considerably better on several dimensions, even though I wrote it hurriedly and didn't have hundreds of other wise-acres to help me brainstorm.

My Ten Commandments for Drivers
1. The Lord your God hath brought you safely to adulthood and to obtain your driver's license;
you shall have no other priorities above safety.
2. You shall not make for yourself an idol of your priorities, whether in the form of any task for your job, or that is for your passengers, or that is for yourself.
You shall not put the pedal to the floor for them or obsess with them; for the Lord your God is a zealous Father, chastising the children for the bad habits learned from their parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject God,
but showing safe arrival to the thousandth generation of those who love Him and keep His commandments.
3. You shall not bring shame on the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not put into the officer's heart to acquit you with a warning when he sees your "I love Jesus" bumper sticker.
4. Observe the Lord's Day and keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you.
For six days you shall drive for labor and do all your shopping and recreation;
But the Lord's Day, when you wear church clothes, you shall not work, nor shop, nor amuse yourself -- you, or your son or your daughter, or your spouse or your employee, or your ride, so that your family and associates may attend the Lord's house on Sunday Morning.
Remember that you were a heathen in the land of sin, and the Lord your God bought you with the Blood of His Son; therefore the Lord your God commanded you not to forsake the assembling of yourselves together.
But before or after church, have fun!
5. Honor your driving instructors and your backseat drivers, as the Lord your God commands you, so that your days may be long and that your drive may go well in the lane that the Lord your God has given you.
6. You shall not cause others to kiss the pavement.
7. Neither shall you pick up honeys while cruising.
8. Neither shall you steal the right of way.
9. Neither shall you bear false witness to the officer, nor blame your neighbor for your transgression.
10. Neither shall you covet a neighboring driver; neither shall you be distracted by your neighbor's building, or landscape, or anatomy, or car, or motorcycle, nor things towed; nor your radio, or your cell phone, or anything else, when your eyes should be on the road.

1 comment:

Lyn said...

Ha! Good job! I enjoyed it and so much of it should be written in stone! Excellent....